Just Do Something

Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung

I found this little book to be a very easy read and full and great material!  We studied this book as a bible study group and we all really enjoyed it.

Mr. DeYoung addresses many of us who struggle with knowing what is truly God's will for our lives and how to handle what to do.  We can't sit and wait for God to write out plain and simple what we need to do for every little step in our life.  At some point we have to take some initiative ourselves.  God has given plenty of guidelines for us to follow in His Word and from there we should be able to make healthy decisions.  And if it is not His will for you to go in one direction, we will make that clear to you and open another avenue.  As the old saying goes, '"You don't know, until you try!"  The same is true for our lives.  In this book Mr. DeYoung encourages and challenges us to not be afraid to move forward in life, instead of remaining 'stagnant'.

I hope you will take the opportunity to read it yourself and see how you too can be encouraged.

Ten Marital "Nevers" - part 4

(I don't know where part 3 went to, with numbers 5, 6, & 7.  I never received the email from Marriage Vine, so I am not able to share them with you.  Sorry.  I started this series of post prior to receiving them all from Marriage Vine.  I guess I got a little excited with the first couple emails and wanted to share them with you as well.  Oh well.  You live and learn, right?)

Ten Marital "Nevers" In Conflict by Tommy Nelson

#8 Never Win Through Reasoning and Logic; and Never Out-Argue The Book of Romance

Arguments are fueled by a competetive spirit that insists upon winning. Conflicts are resolved when one person chooses willfully to "lose" or to abandon a position and yield to the other person. Nothing is more disrespectful than to disregard the feelings of your mate with cold logic as if your mate's pain is foolish and imagined.

Resolution means that both persons come to a position where they feel that their feelings and ideas have been expressed, understood, and valued, and then a decision is made that accommodates as best as possible the feelings and ideas of both persons. There are no winners or losers. Rather, there is the advancement of the relationship to a new level of understanding and agreement, usually with compromise by both persons.
 
#9 Never Stomp Out of the Room or Leave

This is a form of domination, a form of gaining victory, and it will produce nothing but unresolved and heightened anger.

#10 Never Bring Family Members into the Discussion Unless They are a Direct Part of the Problem Being Addressed

In other words, never say to a person, "You are just like your father," or "Your mother does this and it drives me nuts, and now you're doing it too." Regardless of the accuracy of your statement, your spouse is going to be defensive about his or her parents. Very little can be accomplished in a discussion if parents or in-laws are brought into the discussion because they will then become the focal point of the argument.

Article taken directly from the book, The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson. Published by Thomas Nelson Publishing.

Ten Marital "Nevers" - part 2

Ten Marital "Nevers" by Tommy Nelson

#3 Never Use Your Children In Conflict

Sometimes parents ask one of their children to side with them in an argument, to help them in their defense, or even to lie for them. Again, this is not modeling good communication skills or The Book of Romance
good conflict resolution.

A child needs the assurance that both parents love each other and are able to resolve their differences by themselves. To ask a child to side with one parent is to put the child in an extremely awkward and undesirable position.

Too many people I know have been pulled between their parents like a rope in a tug-of-war match. They resent the fact that their parents did that to them and they feel less respect for parents as a result.

#4 Never Confront Your Spouse in Your Children's Presence

Your children in no way benefit from watching the two of you quarrel. They will invariably respond to the tone of your disagreement than to what is being said.

They will feel defensive for themselves and defensive for the spouse they feel is getting a verbal lashing. They are likely to disrespect both parents for engaging in this behavior, either at the time or in later years.

As a parent, you have the job of modeling good communication before your children. Heated arguments or confrontational, combative, critical statements are not good communication for children to copy.

Proverbs 17:1 affirms "Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife."

A tense home will make a boy long for his driver's license so he can be free of it. A young girl will long for some man to remove her from it - all too often, the wrong man.

Article taken directly from the book, The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson. Published by Thomas Nelson Publishing.

Ten Marital "Nevers" - part 1

Ten Marital "Nevers"  by Tommy Nelson

#1 Never Speak Rashly

Weigh your words before you speak, especially if you are feeling emotionally upset about a situation or circumstance. Back away and give your endocrine system a chance to return to normal. Always keep in mind that it's not only what you say that matters, but how and when you speak. The Book of Romance.

Very often in a marriage, a person reacts to how a person speaks far more than to what is said. An angry, belittling, or hateful tone of voice is going to bring about a response, even if what is said is rather benign.

The more benign the content of such communication, the more the statement is going to be perceived as sarcasm or cynicism, which also brings about a negative response in most people.

Proverbs 15:1 tells us, "A harsh word stirs up anger."

#2 Never Confront Your Mate Publicly

Have you ever watched or overheard a couple argue in a public place, perhaps at the table next to you in a restaurant? You feel sorry for both persons - the one who is the recipient of an angry harangue and the one who is engaging in such terrible behavior because that person doesn't realize how much embarrassment he is bringing upon himself.

Jesus taught, "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone" (Matthew 18:15).

If you have an issue to bring up with your spouse, do so in the privacy of your home.




Article taken directly from the book, The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson. Published by Thomas Nelson Publishing.

Making Time for the Important

Making Time for the Important
by Dr. Gary Chapman


Could it be that God did not understand how busy we were going be? Otherwise he would have made the day longer than twenty-four hours. Or is it that we are trying to do more than he ever intended us to do?

As I read the Gospels, I see Jesus active but not hurried, accomplishing good but not appearing to be busy. I keep having the recurring thought that maybe he marched to the beat of a different drummer.

Is it possible that we have been influenced more by our culture than by Christ and have we substituted activity for accomplishment?

There was a day when people had time to visit one another; when families had time to eat meals together; when families sat together in church; and when friends died, people had time to go to the funeral. Of course, that was before we had so many "time savers." What have we done with all the time we saved? Join us this week as we talk about making time for the important. Or have we forgotten what is important?

As Christians, we know that life's ultimate meaning is to be found in relationships: first, a relationship with God, and second, with people.

On the human level, the marriage relationship is designed by God to be the most intimate, with the parent-child relationship a close second. Yet some of us are pursuing activities that have little to do with building marriage and family relationships. From time to time we have pangs of guilt, but evidently not strongly enough to stop the merry-go-round and get off.

Have you heard people say, "I know that I ought to...but I just don't have time"? Is it true that don't have time to do what we ought to do?

The word ought means to be bound by moral law, conscience, or a sense of duty. If we are not accomplishing our "oughts", then we need to examine our use of time. Ultimately, we can control the use of our time. We can accomplish our goals for marriage and family.

Making time for the important means that we must say "No" to things of lesser importance. Do you need to sit down and take a fresh look at how you are using your time? Then do it today.
 

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman. Based on the book, Now You're Speaking My Language (formerly, Covenant Marriage) by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing. For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.

Keeping The Love Tank Full

Keeping the Love Tank Full by Dr. Gary Chapman

The need to feel loved by one's spouse is at the heart of marital desires. A man said to me recently, "What good is the house, the cars, the place at the beach, or any of the rest of it if your wife doesn't love you?" Do you understand what he was really saying? "More than anything, I want to be loved by my wife."


Material things are no replacement for human, emotional love. A wife says, "He ignores me all day long and then wants to jump in bed with me. I hate it." This is not a wife who hates sex; this is a wife desperately pleading for emotional love. Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another.


I believe this need can be met in any marriage, if each of them will discover the primary love language of their spouse and speak it regularly. There are only five love languages. Your spouse desperately craves one of them. Make it your goal to discover it and speak it, and their love tank will be full.



Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman. Based on the book, The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing. For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.

The Love Tank

The Love Tank by Dr. Gary Chapman

I liked the metaphor the first time I heard it: "Inside every child is an 'emotional tank' waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty 'love tank.'" I was listening to Dr. Ross Campbell, a psychiatrist who has treated hundreds of children and adolescents.

As I listened, I thought of the hundreds of parents who had paraded the misdeeds of their children through my office. I had never visualized an empty love tank inside those children, but I had certainly seen the results of it. Their misbehavior was a misguided search for the love they did not feel. They were seeking love in all the wrong places and in all the wrong ways.

I also realized that many of their parents were suffering from an empty love tank and that much of the misbehavior of married individuals was growing out of an empty love tank. This week we are visualizing this tank, inside all of us and talking about how to fill it.


Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman. Based on the book, The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing. For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.

Love Is A Confusing Thing

This is a book that Andrew and I both read while we were dating. We found it to be very helpful in understanding the way men and women think. We both would highly recommend other to read the book as well, if you have not already.  This is another series of little snipits from the book, put together by Marriage Vine.

Love Is a Confusing Thing by Dr. Gary Chapman

 
Love is the most important word in the English language - and the most confusing. Both secular and religious thinkers agree that love plays a central role in life. We are told that "love is a many-splendored thing" and that "love makes the world go round." Thousands of books, songs, magazines, and movies are peppered with the word "love".

The apostle Paul said that in the last scene of the human drama, only three characters will remain: "faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Yet love is a most confusing word.

We use it in a thousand ways. We say, "I love hot dogs," and in the next breath, "I love my mother." We speak of loving activities: swimming, skiing, golfing. We love objects: food, cars and houses. We love animals. We love nature. We love people. We may even love God.

Our purpose this week is not to eliminate all the confusion, but rather to focus on the kind of love that is essential to our emotional health. The need to feel loved.




Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman. Based on the book, The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing. For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.

Heaven and Hell

This book is a must read for all Christians!  We are reading this book in a study right now and the more I read through it, the more amazed I am at what people (including supposedly christian scholars) view about hell.  Here are a couple example quotes from those who are fighting against the thought of hell.

Philosopher Bertrand Russell wrote:

"I do not myself feel that any person who is really profoundly humane can believe in everlasting punishment.  It is a doctrine that put cruelty into the world and gave the world generations of cruel torture."

John Wenham, a notted evangelical Greek and New Testament scholar, stated in a 1991 conference:

"I believe that endless torment is a hideous and unscriptural doctrine which has been a terrible burden on the mind of the church for many centuries and a blot on her presentation of the gospel.  I should indeed be happy if before I die I could help in sweeping it away."

Clark Pinnock said:

"I consider the concept of hell as endless torment in body and mind an outrageous doctrine, a theological and moral enormity.  How can Christians possibly project a deity of such cruelty and vindictiveness?  Surely a God who would do such a thing is more like Satan than like God."

Isn't it sad the extent that some people go to in order to argue against a doctrine that is so thoroughly written throughout the Bible?  The Bible speaks more on hell then on God's love!  It definitely has been a thought provoking study so far.  Donnelly starts the book talking about hell, then moves toward heaven and believers.  In a world that belief in hell has almost disappeared, we need to be fully equipped to stand for what is right.

Stop Perpetuating Dependent Behavior - part 4

A Word to Wives: Things Not To Do #4
by H. Norman Wright


This week, we will consider lines to avoid crossing as wives. These problem behaviors often plague marriages.

Stop Perpetuating Dependent Behavior
First, don't do anything more for your man that he should be (meaning, that he is capable of) doing for himself. If he asks you for something, and you're used to getting it for him, let him get it for himself. Don't make suggestions. Don't pick up after him. Don't bail him out of experiencing the consequences of his lack of action. Bringing Out the Best in Your Husband - click here

Yes, it probably means that your life could be a bit more frustrating for a while. But you need to stick to your commitment. If you hear complaints, let him know that you know he's capable of assuming the responsibility himself.

You may be the person in his life to show a belief that he can be different.

Treat him as though he is reliable. I've seen so many women who end up being the clock, calendar, key finder, garbage enforcer and appointment regulator. Don't rescue! Don't bail him out!

If a man is functional at work and not at home, there's some kind of game-playing going on that needs to be exposed and stopped.

Sometimes a husband may not act capable because of other reasons such as fear of failure. When a husband fails in one area, he will take on only "safe" tasks. The combination of "forced" responsibility and praise and encouragement is the best combination.




Taken from Bringing Out the Best in Your Husband by H. Norman Wright. Published by Regal Publishing. Copyright 2010.

Abort the Resue Efforts - part 3

A Word to Wives: Things Not To Do #3
by H. Norman Wright


This week, we will consider lines to avoid crossing as wives. These problem behaviors often plague marriages.

Abort the Rescue Efforts
Similar to reminding is another approach: It's called rescuing. Bringing Out the Best in Your Husband - click here

How do you know if someone is playing the role of a rescuer? Would that man be incapable of functioning in his daily life without your help? If so, don't rescue. Encourage growth.

Do you tend to be stronger than him? If so, don't reinforce his weaknesses and foster dependency. Find his potential and encourage growth.

Does he tend to be unhappy unless you're doing something for him? If so, don't play this game. Encourage by showing you believe in capability to do it himself.

Does he make excuses for himself or do you make excuses for him? Remember that excuses cripple and perpetuate helplessness.

But aren't you to love your husband by helping and serving him? Yes, but it can become rescuing when you believe that it's your responsibility to solve his problems or protect him from the results of what he's done.

Sometimes women gain fulfillment by being a rescuer. It makes them feel good and look good in the eyes of others. The downside is that you could end up angry, resentful, feeling exhausted or even demeaned.

Rescuing is a great diversion. You don't have to deal with your own issues if you're busy saving others.



Taken from Bringing Out the Best in Your Husband by H. Norman Wright. Published by Regal Publishing. Copyright 2010.

Unhelpful Reminders - part 2

A Word to Wives: Things Not To Do #2
by H. Norman Wright


This week, we will consider lines to avoid crossing as wives. These problem behaviors often plague marriages.


Unhelpful Reminders
Avoid mothering the man in your life. Let me say it another way. Never, but never, mother a man. When you act like a mother with your spouse, you can't encourage him. Treating an adult like a child is demeaning and makes you a controller! If you mother him, he will continue to act in a way that makes you continue to want to mother him, and on and on it goes.Bringing Out the Best in Your Husband - click here

How do mothers sound? They remind. They actually make the other person (child or adult) rely on them to bail them out. Why would a person remember to do something when he has someone who will remind him?

Have you ever made statements like these? "Honey be sure you've got your wallet." "John, if I've asked you once, I've asked you a thousand times...." "You didn't call for the plane tickets. I'll do it for you...again."

You may be thinking: What's wrong with those statements and questions? Aren't they just helpful reminders? Perhaps - if you remind so that he learns to remember by himself and you won't have to remind him anymore!

Reminding once in a while may be helpful, but if you have to repeat again and again, it's obvious the reminders are not working.

They're what I call bailout responses. They take the responsibility away from the other person. These statements say, "You're a child; you can't remember anything. I'll do it for you."




Taken from Bringing Out the Best in Your Husband by H. Norman Wright. Published by Regal Publishing. Copyright 2010.

Controlling One Another - part 1

I get regular emails sent to me from Marriage Vine's book club with a 5 min snippet from a particular focus book of the week. I have learned to really enjoy reading these little 'pointers' (as I will call them) because they are all focused on practical living, relationships between husband and wife, or relationships with others, etc. They are doing a mini series from Bringing Out the Best in Your Husband by Norman Wright and I thought I would share it with you as well!  I am hoping to make this the first of many books I will post on here.

A Word to Wives: Things Not To Do
by H. Norman Wright

This week, we will consider lines to avoid crossing as wives. These problem behaviors often plague marriages.

Controlling One Another
It's easy to fall into thinking you either have to control or be controlled. But God never advocates domination of one marriage partner over another. Sometimes, however, one partner ends up being smothered by the other.

If you end up letting the other person control you, the result is that you end up feeling unnecessary. Total dependence on another is not the way Christ called us to live.

Nancy Groom, in her book Married Without Masks, states:

Adam (even after the Fall) would have been disappointed if Eve had refused to engage with him as his partner in the work God had called both of them to do. He did not need a slave; he needed a woman who knew who she was and was confident in her gifts. An alive, vibrant woman gives zest and excitement to her husband's life. He needs that.


Encouraging your husband does not mean that you become so absorbed in him that your identity and value come from him.

It doesn't mean becoming a doormat with no ideas, opinions or voice; not does it mean becoming an appeasing woman.

Encouragement is not manipulation. It's not done for the purpose of reshaping him for your own dreams, desires, or wishes. Absorption, appeasement and manipulation are actually forms of control.


Taken from Bringing Out the Best in Your Husband by H. Norman Wright. Published by Regal Publishing. Copyright 2010.

Why Study Creation?

Ever wondered why we should study creation? Many times we take this for granted and think that we know already about it and that we believe it, etc; but are we truly able to stand up for what we believe?
At our church this past Sunday morning, Dr. David Murray preached a wonderful, practical sermon on "Why Study Creation?" and he gave many reasons why we should. Creation is the foundation of the bible, the number one attacked truth in our own day, it is dangerous to assume knowledge and faith about creation, those who truly believe are saved, and it strengthens the faith of those who already believe. "Ultimate reason is that it teaches us about God!"

What does this truth of Creation teach us about God?
1) God Exists ~ God has left evidences on everything that He made
2) God is Powerful ~ "created"- the most powerful word in the world, only God can create something out of nothing
3) God is Wise ~ shown in His methodical care and intelligence
4) God is Good ~ in His abundance, in how He created, in when He created, and in why He created
5) God is Blessed ~ satisfied with His own work
6) God is Sovereign
7) God is a Savior ~ we have to stand before Him, he offers us a "new creation", recreating creatures for a recreated world
8) God is Glorious
Is there evidence in us that God is all these things?

You can listen to his whole sermon HERE!


Many youth in our day do not know how to stand up against attacks on their belief about creation and end up falling in their faith, because they were never fully taught about it growing up. Ken Ham, founder of Answers in Genesis and the Creation Museum has put together a book on the research they did about conservative reformed kids. This book is very touching and I think something that all parents and children should read. It explains why many kids have left the reformed faith and how we can help stop the younger generations from doing the same thing.