Ten Marital "Nevers" - part 4

(I don't know where part 3 went to, with numbers 5, 6, & 7.  I never received the email from Marriage Vine, so I am not able to share them with you.  Sorry.  I started this series of post prior to receiving them all from Marriage Vine.  I guess I got a little excited with the first couple emails and wanted to share them with you as well.  Oh well.  You live and learn, right?)

Ten Marital "Nevers" In Conflict by Tommy Nelson

#8 Never Win Through Reasoning and Logic; and Never Out-Argue The Book of Romance

Arguments are fueled by a competetive spirit that insists upon winning. Conflicts are resolved when one person chooses willfully to "lose" or to abandon a position and yield to the other person. Nothing is more disrespectful than to disregard the feelings of your mate with cold logic as if your mate's pain is foolish and imagined.

Resolution means that both persons come to a position where they feel that their feelings and ideas have been expressed, understood, and valued, and then a decision is made that accommodates as best as possible the feelings and ideas of both persons. There are no winners or losers. Rather, there is the advancement of the relationship to a new level of understanding and agreement, usually with compromise by both persons.
#9 Never Stomp Out of the Room or Leave

This is a form of domination, a form of gaining victory, and it will produce nothing but unresolved and heightened anger.

#10 Never Bring Family Members into the Discussion Unless They are a Direct Part of the Problem Being Addressed

In other words, never say to a person, "You are just like your father," or "Your mother does this and it drives me nuts, and now you're doing it too." Regardless of the accuracy of your statement, your spouse is going to be defensive about his or her parents. Very little can be accomplished in a discussion if parents or in-laws are brought into the discussion because they will then become the focal point of the argument.

Article taken directly from the book, The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson. Published by Thomas Nelson Publishing.

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